Shamed: The honour killing that shocked Britain – by the sister who fought for justice by Sarbjit Kaur Athwal
Book Review by Wendy Aujla
A recent 2013 publication titled, Shamed by Sarbjit Kaur Athwal is a real life story that captures her courageous efforts to come forward about the honour killing of her sister-in-law that was plotted by her own mother-in-law, Bachan Kaur Athwal, and brother-in-law, Sukhdave Athwal. Sarbjit touches on her personal struggles with protecting so-called “honour” as she constantly struggled with what was the “right” or “wrong” thing to do in life.
Sarbjit respected her parent’s views and at a young
age she agreed to an arranged marriage with Hardave Athwal as her father
believed this was best for her. This is when her identity and religious beliefs
in Sikhism were challenged by her mother-in-law who was well respected in the
Sikh community. Her mother-in-law insisted that Sarbjit and her sister-in-law,
Surjit Athwal, become baptized Sikhs. Bachan Kaur Athwal shielded herself behind
religious practices which became a way for her to protect the Athwal family’s
honour. Thus, Sarbjit’s mother-in-law could never be accused of plotting the
murder of Surjit Athwal, her eldest daughter-in-law, especially not by the
community that valued her devotion to praying day and night at the local Sikh
temple. After all it was the priest from the Gurdwara who wrote character
references alongside other community members that spoke highly of the Athwal
family.
After Surjit Athwal and Bachan Kaur Athwal travelled together to India, deep down inside Sarbjit knew her sister-in-law was not coming back to England. Prior to the trip, Sarbjit had heard Bachan Kaur Athwal proudly saying to her two sons Hardave and Sukhdave Athwal that she would take care of the shame Surjit Athwal was bringing to the family’s name. The underlying motive behind the honour killing of Surjit Athwal was to control the woman’s behaviour once she acted out. Surjit Athwal never returned home from the trip and Sarbjit was haunted by the truth of the murder of her sister-in-law.
Sarbjit walks the reader through the torture she and her sister-in-law endured while living in the Athwal family. Initially Sarbjit hides the truth of Surjit Athwal’s murder from many, including her own family and authorities, until she finally felt the courage to speak up.
In doing so, Sarbjit was ostracized by her own community members that attended the local Sikh temple and supported Bachan Kaur Athwal. For what? Seeking justice for her sister-in-law and revealing Surjit’s murderers.
“To this day I try to avoid Southhall temple. When I do go, it is rare that I am not accosted by someone who accuses me of bringing shame on my family by having my mother-and brother-in-law arrested. It’s a warped logic that values a murderer’s good name over the life of a young girl whose only crime was to be stuck in a loveless marriage.”
Sarbjit’s husband Hardave also uttered threats towards his wife. These notes of threat were found in the family’s home room tucked away in the Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh Holy Book). Sarbjit reveals how religious and cultural practices were being used against her to protect a family’s so-called honour. As a reader, I wish people would stop misusing religion and places of worship to protect their own pride and honour. Shamed touches on a reality many Sikh women and families experience behind closed doors as they are taught about the significance of “honour” and repercussions of “shame” early on.
As Sarbjit states, “I will never forgive Bachan Kaur Athwal for distorting the teachings of the Ten Gurus. Over the years I questioned many times whether it was my
religion’s fault that Surjit was murdered. But it wasn’t. Bachan Kaur claimed
to be acting in the name of the community, in the name of Sikhs’ honour
everywhere. She wasn’t. She only ever acted in the name of evil, in the name of
selfishness, greed and vanity.”
I do not blame Sarbjit for not being able to forgive Bachan Kaur for being so unfaithful to her religious beliefs.
Sikhism does not teach us to worship evil and we should respect the religious teaching offered by the Guru’s by not losing respect for ourselves, families, communities and religious beliefs we practice. Sarbjit sacrificed a lot and fought hard for justice, it was her faith in Sikhism that kept her going as she continuously prayed her way out of the challenges she encountered.
That is not to say that she was not haunted by the memories of Surjit Athwal or the fearful words of Bachan Kaur Athwal and Sukhdave Athwal which reminded her to keep quiet. Most of all she was constantly aware of her role in protecting the family’s honour and preventing shame. As she puts it in her own words, “think of your honour, Sarbjit. Think of your family’s honour. Don’t go anywhere…shame, honour, shame, honour. Those words were everywhere I went. They governed everything I did. But whenever I heard them, at the end of the day, I was the one who always suffered.”
Shamed
captures how honour killings can be detected and murderers are prosecuted even
when the crime is being carried out in another country like India. The author
sheds light on how the police authorities failed to intervene in the beginning,
but once they did act on the evidence Sarbjit provided, the murderers were
found guilty and her own life turned for the better with the support of her
hero, DCI Clive Driscoll. Sarbjit’s story is heartbreaking as it touches on the
struggles of protecting a family’s honour while maintaining the respect of the
wider Sikh community. It is cases like this that encourage us to challenge how
we think about combating this crime globally.
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