Blogs are an interesting thing for me – as you know, some weeks I blog in a very information-based manner – reporting the latest news in health & wellness, usually taken from an article out of my pile of journals and research-based newsletters which sit atop my desk and dining table…and then there are those weeks where it’s deeper – usually something that occurs during my week that touches me or provides some insight about true wellness that I then want to share with all of you. This week is one of those weeks.
I was recently speaking to a patient who is seeing me for weight-loss. For those who know my perspective on this – it’s not always just a matter of diet & exercise (because by now everyone knows that exercise and eating healthy is a good thing and will promote weight-loss – nothing new there). To me, it’s all about the root cause of the weight (or shall I say, the emotional weight). We know it and probably know someone (ie. Oprah to name but one!) who struggles with emotional eating. This is what really needs to be addressed for permanent weight-loss. But let me say, it isn’t easy. And that is coming from first-hand knowledge.
So with this patient, food became her comfort when she felt ‘not good enough’ – which was most of the time because she is a classic perfectionist. As I listened to her, I couldn’t help but wonder, ‘where is the love?’
I mean really, how often do we, in one day alone, make negative comments to ourselves – be it aloud or internally. Phrases such as ‘I’m so fat, dumb, slow… I’ll never be as good as (blank), I can’t do that, I’ll never make it…’ etc. - is it any wonder that emotional eating is so rampant in our society? In fact, if anything we should be thanking food for being there for comfort! Because when you stop and think about how we treat ourselves sometimes, it’s no wonder we need something to soothe us. And that’s often what food is doing – it’s soothing.
After a while, the pounds add on. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is the case for everyone with a few extra pounds – but it certainly is very common. If someone compulsively or emotionally eats, there is usually something else they are hungry for. (This could literally be a 10 page blog so I’ll leave it at that).
But its not over – because then comes the dieting – the yo-yo of weight and emotions nonetheless, which inevitably leads to falling ‘off’ the diet (usually via binge or pig-out session at 2am) and again goes the self-loathing…
So when does it stop? How does one break-free from this snow-ball of self-destruction?
Perhaps you’re reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about – never had a weight problem, have never eaten emotionally. To you I say, congratulations, you’re probably one of the very few people who this does not pertain to. But I’ll bet that many if not most of us can relate. It may not be ‘food’ per se (that’s simply the soother of choice in this example) but most of us have that ‘voice’ that tells us all the things we’re not good at. Unfortunately for some, that voice is much louder and more aggressive than for others.
Now ask yourself this: how many times in a day do you actually compliment yourself? You know, celebrate you. Give yourself a pat on the back. Are grateful for a special skill or talent or ability that you displayed? Odds are, rarely. It’s not our societal norm to be kind to ourselves.
That being said, what I told my patient, and what I want to convey to you this week – is a challenge of sorts. I call it The Love Project. I want to get back to basics. And no matter what you read, self-acceptance and self-love is always the foundation for sound emotional health and hopefully for many, an end to emotional eating.
So, for the next 30 days (and let me say, 30 days is extremely difficult for those who continuously put themselves down multiple times an hour – for them one day would be a victory). I want you to become conscious of all the times within one day that you say something negative to yourself. It will be hard at first because these thoughts sweep in like a flash of lightening and some are so ingrained in us through repetition. However, if you pay attention, you’ll start to notice when and how often that negative self-talk occurs and how it affects your mood. Maybe it’s a thought about your weight, your physical appearance, your performance at work, your parenting abilities and the list could go on for all the things we’re not good at.
Now, each time you catch yourself with a negative thought about yourself, notice the negative thought, be compassionate (don’t berate yourself about berating yourself! That will get us nowhere!) Just simply recognize it and then immediately think of an opposite statement that is a truth. The point is to change the negative thought into a positive, nurturing thought. That is loving towards yourself.
So if you’re first negative thought of the day is ‘I slept in this morning, I’ve ruined my morning, I suck’, perhaps change it to ‘although I won’t be able to have my ideal morning routine, its okay because I gave my body what it needed and apparently today that was sleep. And with this extra sleep I’m going to have a much more productive day!’ True, right? That’s just one example - your answer may be different – whatever works for you. The point is, The Love Project is about changing the negative thought patterns we have about ourselves into one of self-acceptance and self-love. Can you imagine how great you’d feel if you had a voice in your head that complimented you, supported you and loved you unconditionally? When you’re full of love, that emotional ‘hunger’ often disappears.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey – for the next four weeks I will do my best to focus my blogs around The Love Project. Email me at [email protected] and let me know if you’ll be embarking on this challenge! Have fun with it! Enjoy!
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