Mind Mantra

Don’t be afraid of confrontation!

No one likes confrontation. How do you approach some one when you want to resolve a conflict with him/her? Conflict is not always a bad thing. Conflicts tell us that something is out of synch. The focus should be on resolving the conflict - not about berating the other person. There is something called “the right approach to conflict.”

A healthy way to open up the discussion is to start with "I" statements. That means expressing how the issue is affecting you. This approach opens the communication with out an aggressive tone. The point is that you are trying to resolve the conflict, not berate or put down the other person. Beginning with “you always” or “you never…” just puts the other person on the defense. During a conflict, we often make false assumptions about the other person. But when you check out these assumptions, they are usually not true. 

As long as you keep the focus on the issue, and away from blame, you have a good chance of reaching a healthy resolution. Don’t be afraid of confrontation! If handled correctly, it really clears the air.

Eye Contact

When you are talking to someone, make direct eye contact.  In the Indian culture, we are discouraged from looking at some one directly, especially older persons. It is perceived as a sign of disrespect.   Even more so, if you are challenging something that is being said.  Think back to when you were a child. At some point, during a reprimand, you would have been told to “look down” or “don’t stare at me.” Or perhaps, as a parent, you have said that to your child.

As an adult, I would tell you that eye contact is the most important aspect of communication. When you look into a person’s eyes, it means that you are giving your undivided attention.  You are indicating that the other person is worthy of your attention. Eye contact also declares your level of self-confidence. Some one who is shy or insecure will tend to avoid eye contact. Teach your children that making eye contact is a positive thing. Next time you talk to someone, are you looking into their eyes?