Mind Mantra

Listening is the key to a healthy argument

There is a healthy way to have an argument regardless of who it is - your partner, relative or friend. The key lies in listening. Listening is even more important than talking.  During a fight, one person may feel hurt, slighted, or rejected.  You may want to bring up previous wrongs or hurts too. This turns into a blame game.

When you listen patiently, you are acknowledging the other person’s feelings; then the argument will turn into a meaningful exchange and lead to a resolution. The intention is to resolve a conflict - not escalate it. Try to understand the other person’s point of view instead of defending your own.

Remember, an argument happens because both people feel they are right. This principle applies only to a healthy relationship. Other techniques are necessary where there is an imbalance of power.

Shopping for...approval?

So why are we are we looking for permission from our husbands at the mall?

Here you are at the mall with your husband and you are excited to show him a dress or a purse or a pair of shoes that you like for yourself. He looks at it and says, “What do you need that for?” You leave the mall empty handed but resentful.

 What just happened in this scenario? You gave power and control away.  It’s one thing to ask for an opinion, but another to look for permission.  Just think outside the box for a second.  When growing up, women in the South Asian culture are raised to seek permission from authority figures; typically it may be mother who defers to father. Do you recall hearing that “your father won’t like this.” As we get older, we transfer this assumption for permission onto our partners. Husbands don’t necessarily promote this; we just fall into this behaviour.

Next time, just buy what you want. :)