As most of you know, my daughter Imaan has always been a precocious child - especically when it comes to sharing her views and contributing her opinions.
A few weeks ago, Ashna Singh (from MyBindi) who is working on a piece for Astitva Magazine where she profiles me, contacted Imaan to get some insights from her on the nature of the relationship that my daughter and I share.
I was unaware of this conversation and only after the entire article was finalized did I learn of this interview (and also got a chance to read Imaan's responses to some of Ashna's questions).
Seeing that this Sunday is Mother's Day, I would like to share my daughter's perspective on how she perceives a mother-daughter relationship.
Many people have stated that mothers and daughters don't always have a very good relationship, especially when the daughter becomes a teenager. My relationship with my mum seems to defy that statement, and several times I am grateful for the loving, respectful relationship my mum and I have.
My mum is very close to me, and I share many aspects of my life with her. We are alike in many ways: we have similar hobbies (e.g. cooking, reading, travelling) and similar interests. On many occassions we'll be doing something together, just me and her, like cooking a meal or watching dragon's den. Aside from doing things together, we also talk a lot. I find my mum an insightful person who is always offering new ideas to a discussion, and I am always intrigued by something she has to say. Our 40 minute drives from Burlington to Toronto (for school) are an opportunity for us to spend time with each other, whether it's me wondering about what she thinks of the current elections, or simply us goofing off with our inside jokes. I love spending time with my mum; spending hours reading in Chapter's or going to an art festival in the harbourfront. I think the fact that we simply enjoy each other's company is something that makes our relationship what it is.
Another key aspect in our relationship is communication. If I am unhappy or angered, I will seek her thoughts, even if she is the cause of those feelings. I was raised to believe that communication is the way to solve problems; that when you have a conflict with somebody the best thing is to do is talk about it. I am not scared of confessing something to my mum, and I don't think she is the type to force ultimatums on me. In every past disagreement we've had, we've laid our cards on the table, discussed, and come to a mutual agreement, even if it means we agree to disagree. The result of this is that I can say that things I do, like wearing clothes that aren't revealing, are done because my mum has made me understand why I should do those things, not just because I am forced to do so. And, honestly speaking, even when I don't agree with her decisions I'll still consider them because I have a lot of respect for her thoughts.
My mum is immensely important in my life; she is a friend, a guide and somebody who is there for me. We're bound to have conflicts, but hopefully, we can plow through them and still maintain the smooth relationship we have right now. All in all, I think we're doing pretty well; we'll always have sushi lunches, I'll always tell her about my day, and I'll always know I'm very lucky to have her in my life.
2) What do you admire the most about your mom?
There are several things I admire about my mum, too many to list in a short answer. Mostly, I admire her skills in a business sense and how independant and creative she is in other dimensions of her life. I remember she was telling me a story about how when she was younger she wrote for a greeting card company, and always had extra pocket money! At such a young age, I think she was 10, she had already come up with a away of harnessing her skills to make money. I see these skills on a bigger scale now-when she's created a thriving, profitable website that is her passion! I see my mum as a person with the perfect life. She is happily married, living in her dream home, running a business that is something she enjoys, and growing and sharing with friends and family all along the journey. I think what I admire most about my mum is her success, and all the hard work, determination, imagination and growth she needed to realize her dreams.
3) Tell me the "coolest" thing about your Mom.
The coolest thing about my mum would probably be that she is the most modern and exciting adult I know. She is on facebook 24/7 (when most parents don't even know how to use it!) and has over 2000 facebook friends. She's got a great sense of style and is often seen sporting a new coach purse (with an ipad, iphone and laptop in it!) in her hands as she drives into work. She actually doesn't mind listening to my rap music, and enjoys the hits on virgin radio. But more than the things she does, it's her attitude and personality that make her "cool". She loves experimenting, learning and socializing. I'm always looking forward to her latest ventures, whether it's a new business, a 40th birthday party, or a new house on the lake. What will she come up with next?
4) Tell me about a special moment that you shared with your Mom. (Optional)
5) Describe your mom in 3 words.
Intelligent, Caring and Creative
I noticed that number four is optional, and since I have a lot of homework I'm going to see if I can get back to you on that in a couple of days.
Of course, I would never hear these things directly from Imaan, not in so many words anyway! I can tell you I have just received the best Mother's Day present ever!
My relationship with Imaan is always evolving - from caregiver to confidant - and everything in between. This Mother's Day, I hope that I have been able to be half as good a daughter to my own mother!
To all my friends and readers that are also mothers, I wish you all a very happy and memorable Mother's Day.