Sy in the City

My First "White" Christmas!

Despite being born and raised in a a muslim household in a very muslim neighbourhood of Bombay, India, I was celebrating Christmas as early as my 5th birthday.  You see, all my schooling in Bombay was at a Roman Catholic Convent School.  Everything we did in school was generously peppered with Christian teachings.

We started school with the morning assembly which always commenced with a hymm.  We passed by pictures of the Virgin Mary in our hallways and Bible Study was one of our subjects in class.  If we forgot to complete our homework, we dutifully went to the Chapel and made confession.  We made sacrifices during lent and attended mass over Christmas.  You could say that by the time I left school at 15, I had a better understanding about Christmas than the average muslim member of my household.

Once I moved to London (UK), I was introduced to the commercial aspects of Christmas.  The shopping, the gift giving, the parties and the celebrations.  It was only after my daughter was born that I started partaking in some of the rituals and ceremonies that surround Christmas.  Suddenly, our house had decorations, we had a tree with ornaments, we baked cookies for Santa, hung Christmas stockings and started Christmas Day by opening presents.

But, it is only now, that I am married to Steve that I am truly appreciating some of the more traditional Christmas festivities.  For the last few weeks, my mailbox has been flooded with Christmas cards and messages from Family!!  I've always sent and received cards over the holidays but usually it's to friends and/or clients.  I don't call my mum and dad to wish them "Merry Christmas".  I don't send cards to my uncles and aunties in India wishing them happy christmas.  This year, however, I received cards from family - all of Steve's family - with Christmas blessings.  Steve's mum is very active in her local church and Steve's cousins, his nan, his uncles and aunts - they all sent us Christmas wishes all the way from England.  This is a first for me.  I like it a lot!

This year, for Christmas, I'm making turkey!  I have NEVER cooked turkey at home.  But this Christmas, I wanted it to be a traditional christmas.  So there will be turkey with stuffing, bread sauce, veggies and Eggnog! As a "desi" girl that loves her curries and her bollywood songs - this is the kind of Christmas I have always associated with "white" people.  I am looking forward to these new changes.  This year, it'll be my first white christmas! haha.

As I read and research recipes, the lights on our christmas tree are twinkling!  There are presents under the tree and my iPod fills the room with christmas carols (most of which I can sing along to thanks to the teachers at my catholic convent). 

It's going to be a great Christmas!  Happy Holidays to each one of you and, whatever way you celebrate the season, I hope that it is filled with love, happiness and merriment.

The Honeymoon is over!

So Steve and I are back from our absoutely amazing honeymoon!  What was really cool about the honeymoon is that this was our first real vacation together.  We'd spent a weekend away in New Orleans in February and we've been living together since June. But, this was the first time, we spent practically ALL day with each other for almost two weeks. 

Trust me, spending that much time in my company can't be easy. And being in anyone else's company continously for that long can also drive me crazy. Add to this, the fact that you're in the middle of the ocean.  Not exactly a place where you can hop into a cab and say "i'll be back in a few hours". 

So I was very curious and interested to see how we would fare on this maiden voyage.

I think one of the first things Steve learned about me (he says he already knew this long before the holiday) is that I can be a bit of a control freak.  It's not that I don't trust Steve to do everything right, I just have this unyielding obsessive conviction that I can do it better and more effectively.So, whether it's booking shore excursions or renting scooters or even taking pictures, I wanted to be in control.

If Steve carried his camera, I would still carry my own.  And if someone took a picture of us in his camera, I would still ask them to take another one on mine!  I always knew that I had this "my way or the highway" streak in me but I was able to actually observe it myself for over an extended period.  At first it bothered me that I thought I was the only one who knew the right way to do something.  Then it bugged me that Steve was seemingly unfrazzled by my "My way or the highway" approach. Surely, he would want me to see that there was also his way and the potential to create something that would be "our" way!

On the one hand, I wrestle with my conviction that my way is right. I am very efficient and follow through completely and would rather do things myself than have him do things at the risk of forgetting certain details.

Then again, I tell myself, Who cares!!   Who cares that I rely on his camera only to find that it wasn't charged the night before and we're out of battery just as we gaze at the most beautiful sunset.  Of course, none of this actually happened but it could and so I took my own camera along everywhere...just in case!Steve was actually quite amused by this.  He was tickled by the fact that I carried not just my iPhone on our honeymoon, I set up internet tethering so as to have internet access while away, I set up roaming packages for the US and the Caribbean, I carried my laptop and my netbook and I carried three business books to read (for pleasure).

That's just me!  I'm a type A person.  Most people assess their vacation based on how much they relaxed each day.  I would return toour room most nights and say "My feet are killing me...what a great day that was!"  We walked, hiked, rode scooters, ATV's, or trekked for miles at every port.  Of the twelve days when we were surrounded by sandy beaches, we spent maybe an aggregate of 30 mins ON a beach! Now that the honeymoon is over and we're finally home, the first thing we did was to relax on a couch and watch a christmas movie while sipping some jamaican blue mountain coffee!

PS:  We had an amazing time!  I won't even bother going into details of how spectacular the sights were and what a fun time we had because I have pictures that can do all the talking for me.  With my trusted iPhone on my side and my laptop which accompanied me to the honeymoon, I was able to post daily updates on facebook and ended up creating something like a visual honeymoon documentary for my friends and family to stay with us while we traveled the Caribbean.

You can take a look at our honeymoon photos here!

Mixing Business with Pleasure

I've heard it a million times.  That's the golden rule.  But, I am notorious for breaking rules so I've done it again.  Earlier this year, soon after my engagement to Steve, I was approached by a representative from  to partner with them on a Bollywood West Carribean Cruise.  I thought why not!  And so, MyBindi became the media sponsor for Bollywwod Cruises. 

As Steve and I planned our wedding, it was almost too much work to also plan a honeymoon and with the marketing campaign underway for the Bollywood Cruise, we figured it made most sense for us to go away on a cruise for our honeymoon.  After all, that's the best kind of endorsement I can make for a product that I am marketing through my company.

While on the cruise, I'll also get a chance to connect with others that have booked the Bollywood package and I might even be able to recruit some new members to MyBindi.

Who says you cannot mix business with pleasure! ;)

Meet me at the Wii Plaza!

For years, I resisted the entry of "video games" into our home.  Despite my daughter's wistful gaze and wish lists, year after year, on birthdays and holidays, the gifts she got from me were usually books, board games, arts and craft sets.  Two years ago, I relented and bought her an X-Box with the caveat that the only game she would play on it is Dance Dance Revolution - a fun activity which also promotes exercise and fitness.

A few months ago, when Steve and I got married, I decided it was time to take control of my own health and fitness and I wanted to be able to do it in a fun way without it feeling like a chore.  I'd read a lot about Wii Fit but because of my natural anti-video game stance, we'd never actually owned a Wii and I didn't know anyone with a Wii that used it with the Wii Fit application.

So I put the items on my wedding registry and my friends were kind enough to indulge me.  Now, I'm hooked!!

For as long as I remember, video games have been blamed for contributing to the obesity epidemic that continues to affect North American families. The Wii Fit has finally proven that family entertainment and family health go hand in hand.

And because I love this program so much, I will share it all with you on this blog!

Wii Fit (I actually have the Wii Fit Plus but will use the term Wii Fit here) is a fitness program for the Nintendo Wii console that tracks up to eight people’s fitness goals and provides player with a series of exercises to perform on an included “Balance Board” attachment. While it may sound absurd at first when you imagine yourself working out to play a game, it is not unlike following a fitness video program.

The Balance Board peripheral looks like a large pair of bathroom scales. When you start Wii Fit you need to select a Mii (which is a profile each user creates) against whom their progress is recorded. In addition to information previously entered for that Mii, you will be asked to confirm a date of birth which is used when calculating your “Fit Age”. You also need to specify your height which is required to calculate your Body Mass Index (BMI), a common benchmark in fitness testing.

One novel feature is that, once added, your Mii is sized to match your actual height and weight. If you register your whole family into the game, it is quite an eye opener to see all the Miis standing next to each other, plainly revealing their real-life body shapes.  So you can imagine, Steve and I are often standing together in the Wii Plaza in our Mii avatars that look like us.

Wii Fit uses a couple of key metrics to plot your progress. Body Mass Index (BMI) is one of the popular healthy body metrics. This is calculated during the games’ Body Test. You stand on the Balance Board and Wii Fit records your weight, which is then combined with your entered height to work out your BMI. Because this is a height related measurement it gives a much more accurate measure of your body fitness.

This process also records the pressure you exert on each foot. These figures are then used to estimate your Center of Gravity (COG). COG is another essential body metric, as an off-center result can be in indicator of poor posture that leads to back problems.

Wii Fit provides an excellent weight loss chart that automatically plots your weight and tracks progress against your chosen weight loss goals. For those who prefer to keep such information private, Wii Fit allows you to hide this information from other players. Steve and I don't use passwords and have access to each other's profile metrics and can track the other's goals.

My personal favorites are the Yoga and Muscle workouts that feel more like a true exercise routine. Yoga provides a series of fifteen different exercises that start with the easily achievable deep breathing, and progress to the wobble inducing tree pose, before taking you into really challenging advanced moves. The fifteen Muscle workouts include routines that stretch and build muscle. These range from various power stances, and ache-inducing squats and thrusts, to the final set of challenge routines that we have yet to conquer.

Wii Fit has the advantage over a video in that it can monitor your posture and performance as you attempt each exercise, providing real time feedback to help you adjust your position and perfect a specific activity. You then receive a score based on your progress once you have finished, and are presented with a balance diagram of your posture. Finally this is summed up by your instructor with some pretty helpful (and obviously tailored) feedback for your future improvement.

Wii Fit can easily slot into the available time in your busy day, and you don’t have to commit to prolonged sessions.

Steve and I commit to about 30 minutes each day.

When you do have more time, you can spend a little longer working through a program of exercises. This also enables you to repeat activities that are proving particularly tricky. Completing new activities will unlock progressively more challenging activities, providing motivation to achieve your goals.

The best thing about the Wii is that it allows you to create a new kind of intimacy with your partner and your family.  It lets you be vulnerable (after all, what woman wants to announce her weight and BMI) but in that vulnerability it also offers your partner a chance to motivate you and support you in your fitness goals.  Before long, you'll be doing the same for him.  It becomes a joint endeavour with each one rooting the other to sign on and get fit!

I would encourage every one to experiment with this practice not just as a fitness tool but as an activity that fosters good relationships.  Don't be surprised if you're soon looking forward to your "dates" where you're not meeting at a fancy restaurant but in the Wii Fit Plaza!! :)

Celebrating Life

Two weeks ago, I celebrated my 40th Birthday.  It was quite the party with over a hundred people in attendance spanning many years of my life.  Friends that went back decades and friends that I've only known for a few months. Photos from this party can be viewed on my facebook albums.  My photographer, Smita Jacob, did a fantastic job capturing special people and moments.  Some photos and her personal observations are also on her blog which can be viewed here.

What I want to talk about in this blog though is the reason for this celebration and why it was so important to me. Why do we celebrate birthdays to begin with?  It's a day that marks your arrival into this world.  Birthdays are therefore a celebration of Life itself.  

Life can be the day-to-day existence that many of us go through.  You can make it about jobs and mortgages and retirement.  You live with fear (about your future) and insecurity (over relationships or careers) and allow yourself brief vacations or moments of tranquility.  You're challenged even in those moments because you find that you're either constantly ruminating about your past and being tortured or resentful about things you did or didn't do.  Or, you are fretting about the future for things that are imagined and that may or may not happen.  In doing so, you're never quite respecting LIFE in your present. In some sense, you're living on auto pilot and in an "unconscious" state.

Or you can make a choice to break free from that grind and live a life with purpose and consciousness.  A life where you can let go of your past and you stop obssessing about your future.  You live each moment in the NOW.  Whether it's your day at work, the meals you're cooking or time spent with friends and family - you focus just on the present and live that experience with passion.

As Eckhart Tolle explains so eloquently in his book "Power of Now", the key to becoming free of the egoic mind, with all its consequences, is to become deeply conscious of this present moment.

Presence is a "state of ... connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible … that is essentially you and yet is much greater than you." That in turn enables us to enter into deeper relationships with others. 

An important element to Presence is showing Acceptance!  Rather than resisting life as it actually is in the present moment, one accepts it for what it is, without labelling or judgment. "Allowing it to be as it is … takes you beyond the mind with its resistance patterns …"

If you remember, I talked about this concept a while back in this blog entry! Since that time, I have been able to practice the power of synchronicity and it has yielded amazing results and growth.

Tolle speaks not only of acceptance of what is, but also of surrender to it. This "is the simple but profound wisdom of yielding to rather than opposing the flow of life … to surrender is to accept the present moment unconditionally and without reservation."

This may easily be misunderstood and so I will clarify that no one is suggesting that anyone should accept for evermore some unpleasant situation in life. That is mere resignation. Surrender is a purely inner phenomenon, changing our attitude so we accept how things are at this moment. Then we can act positively to change the ongoing situation, and such positive action is likely to be far more effective than if it arose out of the anger, frustration or despair of resistance.

When your life reflects the principles of presence, connectedness and acceptance..you emanate the energy that attracts similar people to you and you experience relationships that are deep and meaningful.

That's when every day is a celebration of life.

My 40th birthday celebration was merely a symbolic salute to the ever present joy that is my LIFE . :)

The tradition of "Firsts"

The first year of any relationship has many "firsts" to it.  We usually associate the memory of "firsts" to something pleasant and happy.  Like, the first time you kissed, your first holiday together, celebrating each others' birthdays for the first time, your first valentine day, christmas, new year's eve... you get the idea! 

These milestones become bonus moments that add fun and excitement to your relationship.  You know you're going to reminisce about them and so you try and make it special.

On December 6, Steve and I will complete a year together.  It was on this date, last year that we had our perfect FIRST date !  Since that date, we've celebrated many "firsts" together.  This weekend, we will celebrate my birthday together for the first time. 

As our anniversary approaches in December, I don't see why this wonderful tradition of "firsts" should come to an end.  One of the things that I love about my relationship with Steve is that we're both always introducing each other to new experiences (even if it's something one of us is already very familiar with).

The tradition of "Firsts" is actually a lot more meaningful when the milestones that you are reminiscing are experiences and not just dates. In our first year together, here are some of our many individual firsts: 

1.  I heard music by Marillion and then attended their concert in Montreal

2.  I rode a Harley

3. Steve tried Masala Chai

4. Steve tried hakka chinese

5. Our ski weekend at Blue Mountain

6. Our almost fatal car mishap

7. Our first disagreement

8. I walked out of Steve in a movie (District 9) because I hated it.

9. Steve didn't eat something I cooked because it tasted like C4 dynamite and not food

You see, the firsts that we remember aren't always joyous celebrations.

Your first big disagreement, the first time he criticized you, your first frank discussion on finances, family etc.  These are all just as important in fostering growth and trust in a relationship.  The manner in which you handle these uncomfortable firsts is what will set the tone on how you approach these discussions/situations later on.  You can learn a lot about yourself, your partner and your relationship from these firsts.  You can use these first experiences as constructive tools and better them as we go.

So whether you're in a new relationship or have been in one for many years, don't be shy to do something you've never done before.  Create a whole new tradition of your own "firsts" and know that it's a "teaching moment" helping you to build the foundation on which you will grow, communicate and be enriched as a couple.

We're having a baby!!

My husband Steve is an entrepreneur and runs a very successful consulting business that caters to a very niche market (accountants in public practice).  He wears multiple hats and is often introduced as a columnist, author, speaker or consultant depending on his audience.

My own entrepreneurial ambitions are reflected in my role as MyBindi's CEO, my practice as a lawyer, a speaker on business ideas and author of this blog.

You would think that with so much going on we must never find any time to spend together!  This would have been true if each of us would be consumed by our work to the point where we shut the other person out and leave them isolated (or buried in their own work).

Fortunately, we both love sharing ideas about our work with each other and each of us truly enjoys and appreciates the feedback we receive from the other.  So much so, that we decided that it was time that we actually work together on a collaborative enterprise.

For most of us, the very idea of working with a spouse sounds, at best, dangerous, and, at worst, like a direct path to marital collapse.

Many couples work together and according to them running a business together often offers the best of both worlds: pursuing a professional dream with someone you love and respect, while getting a chance to spend more time with them.

Others believe that it's nearly impossible for couples to completely separate their work and personal lives which can lead to tension in the marriage. 

Couples that have done it successfully say that a key to maintaining both a strong business partnership and healthy marriage is to establish distinct responsibilities that do not overlap.  Yet, when personalities and business acumen mesh in a couple's professional life, these married entrepreneurial teams say the personal relationship often follows suit.

I suppose the good news for us is that Steve and I will continue to work and grow our own enterprises but this new venture will allow us an opportunity to create something together! 

It's going to be our BABY!! ;)

Right now, we are only at conception!!  We know what we want to create together and it will take us a few months to have everything ready before we are ready for delivery!  We'll be sure to keep you posted.

Life begins at 40!

On October 25, 2009 I will be turning 40. Forty.  Four Zero. I’m not upset about it or sad about it.  I'm actually looking forward to it!  So much has changed since my birthday last year.

I am married (who would have thunk!) and I am living in the burbs - about an hour away from Toronto - and I bet no one saw THAT coming!

But, as kids these days would say, It's ALL GOOD!!

In fact, it's so good that I intend to mark my 40th birthday as a special milestone with a big party!  Although the old cliche goes, Life begins at 40, in my case, this coming year truly heralds so many new beginnings.

Anyway, in honor of my birthday and in no particular order, here are my 40 thoughts about turning 40.

1) I feel way younger/healthier at 40 than I thought I would.

2) When my mum turned 40 I was already 20.

3) Last week, a stranger/teenager called me "aunty" and I did not cringe

4) My daughter will be 13 on my 40th birthday.

5) I am the youngest parent at the School PTA

6) I still haven't seen a single episode of Star Wars

7) I found out that menopause doesn't happen for another 10 years at least.

8) I prefer lounges to clubs..

9) ..and red wine to Smirnoff Ice

10) ..and restaurant menus to buffet meals!

11) .. and french manicure to red nails

12)  I still sing along when I am driving

13) I am not ashamed of challenging my daughter at Dance Dance Revolution. 

14) Sometimes I even win!

15) I haven't eaten KFC for at least 10 years and I doubt I ever will.

16) I have a new found love for cooking gourmet meals.

17) I haven't worn my gold jewelry for years.  I'd rather be seen in silver or diamonds ;)

18) I don't stereotype people as much as I used to.

19) I married someone who has tattoos and rides a Harley!

20) He's also one of the most intelligent, articulate, kind and loving person I know.

21) I truly, madly, deeply love him!

22) I am still nervous though sometimes on the Harley

23) I have read a lot more books than I thought I would

24) I have over 25 books at home right now that I have purchased and not yet gotten around to reading.

25) I still hate cleaning bathrooms, gardening and taking the garbage out.

26) So I don't do it.

27) I would never get anywhere on time if it wasn't for my GPS.

28) I am addicted to my iPhone

29) I am a much kinder person today than I was at 30.

30) I have a secret crush on Rahul Bose. He is 42

31) I have more than a thousand friends on facebook

32) There's only a handful though that I actually consider to be my friends.

33)  I am on a career path that excites me - no, really, I LOVE what I do!

34)  I don't think I would ever want to retire

35)  I still think of new business ideas that I want to explore.

36)  I learned from my daughter to have a curiosity about everything

37) She is one of my best teachers

38) My daughter makes me so proud!

39) I have a much better relationship with my parents now than I did when I was 20 or 30.

40) I would like to think that I make my parents proud

Happy Birthday to me!! :)

Redefining the Honeymoon

I love reading and I especially love reading books on the subject of self-development so it should come as no surprise to you that, in my lifetime, I must have read a few dozen books on relationships. Most books and experts that talk about relationships talk about the "honeymoon" phase like it's some illusory period bearing no links to reality.

Most couples go on a honeymoon soon after their wedding.  A honeymoon can be anything from a weekend away to a nearby resort/destination or a week or two week long trip somewhere far and exotic.  Honeymoons by their nature are generally short and, as such, this term is also often used to describe the early harmonious period in any relationship (for example: The honeymoon between the new President and the press was soon over).

The perception therefore is that the honeymoon is some sort of temporary, unrealistic scenario where things will inevitably be rosy and harmonious and a time for the newly-married couple to be intimate without interruptions.  This period will soon end and reality will take over.  At least, that's the spin most experts  have on the concept of the honeymoon.

If our wedding took a lot of people by surprise our honeymoon plans will likely shock them!  We didn't go away after the wedding.  In fact, the first "get away" we had since our wedding was a weekend in Toronto at the Sheraton downtown where I was busy managing a big conference for over 900 delegates.  I was the content chair responsible for all the conference panels and speakers, I was a speaker at one of the panels, and my company (MyBindi.com) had a booth set up in the Exhibitor area.  So, yes, that was no honeymoon!

Our honeymoon will be when Steve and I go away on a western caribbean cruise in December!  Except, we're not doing this to get away from work and friends.  The cruise has a strong Bollywood component and is sponsored by MyBindi.com.  We've even invited about a dozen friends who will be going with us!!  We figured if we're going to sail on a cruise with hundreds of strangers, we might as well have some friends along. 

If people can have destination weddings where they invite all guests to attend the wedding at a resort far away - why couldn't we have a destination honeymoon and celebrate our new relationship with our friends!  If you would like to join us on this cruise and sail away with us...send me an email and I will give you details on how you can take advantage of our special group pricing!

We'll be surrounded by friends, check out some really great beaches and party bollywood style. Of course, I'll still do some work (the ship has wi-fi, i checked!!) and when we're back in Toronto it won't feel like the honeymoon is over!  It'll be life as usual.

Then again, one could say, our marriage and the life we share together will always feel like a honeymoon! :)

Wedding Debrief: The wedding guestlist

In my experience, perhaps the most stressful part of planning a wedding is agreeing on the wedding guest list.  When you first plan the guest list , you want to invite everyone you know because, after all, you're celebrating one of the most important milestones of your life and so you want to share it as many people as you can.

When I was younger and at my first wedding, there were over 700 people (possibly more) in attendance.  The guest list was drawn up by my parents (not surprising since they paid for the wedding).  It included their friends, neighbours, distant relatives, colleagues, acquaintances and business associates.  I probably had less than a dozen people at that wedding that I would consider my guests.

This time around, my first draft of the guestlist started with about 200 person.  I'm almost 40 now and happen to know a lot of people.  So it wasn't surprising that my initial list was so extensive. 

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to entertain.  Whether it's a summer soiree or a new year's brunch, an Oscar party or Barrack Obama election watch, I am always game to host an event and have friends over. I love connecting people and I have an eclectic collection of friends. My parties are usually very popular because you never know whom you might meet!

So when it was time to put together a wedding guest list, I simply came up with the names of all the usual suspects from my rolodex roster. Friends, Colleagues, Business Associates, Acquaintances and other Movers & Shakers!  And then I saw Steve's list.  He had just over 20 persons on his list.  And, he was able to explain to me the special relationship he shared with each one of those guests.  That's when I knew it was time for me to go back to the drawing board,

As I looked at each name on my preliminary guest list, I ended up asking myself, "why is this person on my wedding guest list and why do I want him/her at my wedding".  This, for me, was the most revealing part of understanding, evaluating and appreciating my personal relationships.

There are probably many books written on the etiquette and protocols of putting together a wedding list.  I didn't follow any of them.  There are probably many people that I should have invited to the wedding that didn't get an invite.  Some of them are family members and some of them are good friends.  Some are important business clients and others are colleagues/mentors that I very much respect and admire. 

Fortunately, most of them understood where I was coming from and did not take the slightest offence.  They sent me their good wishes and congratulations nonetheless via cards, emails, text messages and facebook comments.  Some even surprised me with gifts and flowers (much to my surprise!!). To all these friends, I offer my gratitude and thanks!! 

A small number of them took offence and decided to boycott me from their social calendar altogether and pretty much eliminated me from their guest lists.  Oh well, I just shrug and say, it's their loss not mine.

I decided that I did not want my wedding to become a networking event, a mixer, or a "spot the celebrity" junket.  And so, despite getting a confirmation from the caterer that we could have up to 90 guests at the venue, we only ended up inviting about 80 guests of which just under 60 guests were able to actually attend.

It was a small wedding but it was so meaningful. Everywhere I looked, I saw happy smiles, joyous emotions and sincere good wishes.  By the end of the evening, I can confidently say that every guest at my wedding spoke with and got a chance to speak with almost every other guest in attendance.  It's not often that one can experience this kind of intimacy at a wedding.

It is said that you can tell so much about a person from the company they keep or the books they read.  To this, I would perhaps add, you can tell so much about a couple from their wedding guests.